There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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