Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I forget how to act sober
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
