this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
