If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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