I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
