He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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