Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
