genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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