I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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