i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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