I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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