Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
