i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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