You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
