I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
