I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
