sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
