So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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