I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
