I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
