maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
