I could have mohawked her pubes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
