Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
