Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
