I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
