im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize