She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
