when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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