dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
