Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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