Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
