I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My dick has a subreddit
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
