We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
