Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
