Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
