he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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