Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
