I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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