..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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