dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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