is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
