also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
