You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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