I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
