evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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