Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize