Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Let's paint friendship bongs
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
