he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
