i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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