she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
