She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
