when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
