something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
