So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I want to fling myself into the sun
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
