It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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