he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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