This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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