i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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