Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
