i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
