Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
