New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
