So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
