don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
